Psychotherapist and sex therapist Vanessa Marin (Vanessa Marin) talked about the main things that will help you to realize your desires.
1. Take your time
Motivators from the Internet encourage less thinking, more doing and then I began to get out of the comfort zone. But don’t buy it when it comes to sexual fantasies. Give yourself time to think and decide how you feel comfortable, to tune in.
This is especially necessary if the relationship began recently, and the trust between you is only just emerging.
2. Be open
Even if imagination does not leave you for many years, just to talk about it can be difficult. The most innocent desire sometimes confusing and embarrassing, as even their presence makes you vulnerable. A lot of questions: how would react to this partner? Suddenly, he will laugh? If he thinks that I’m a pervert? It is especially difficult with fantasies in which you are not sure.
It is important to remind yourself that your desires are important, and their study is one of the Central aspects of understanding of his own sexuality. Do not forget that you should openly approach the fantasy partner, trying to think about them.
To share sexual scenarios out of your head takes courage. The fact that you share this information, says the trust.
3. Fantasize during Masturbation
One of the easiest ways to see if this fantasy to you personally, is to lose it during Masturbation. Find the right video or just use your imagination. The moment of truth will come when in a sexual scenario, you turn yourself. You may find that the fantasy looks good, but you have no place there.
If the script is successfully tested, you can think about its implementation in reality.
4. Start with dirty talk
Dirty talk is good in itself is the prelude, which allows you to see how you relate to the next step. In hot correspondence or conversation to discuss your actions as if you have already embarked on a sexual script. Tell us how you dressed, where you are and what you are doing.
Cheeky conversation or make you want more, or will understand that the idea looks attractive only in your head.
It is also possible that you will focus only on the dirty talk, content with such a way of warming sexual life. For example, monogamous couples can talk about the Threesome as a prelude, while retaining physical fidelity.
5. Move in small steps
If fantasy tested Masturbation and dirty talk, it’s time to transfer it into reality. But hurry up and try to run the entire operation at a time. Instead of jumping into a deep well, down into him on the stairs.
Try to determine what you and your partner like fantasy. Play around with the Central element, not realizing the whole scenario.
6. Define your fears
If you are nervous at the thought of exercising your imagination, think about what causes anxiety, at what stage something can go wrong. Having defined the problem, consider how you can transform the script to her not to face.
For example, you’re into the idea of having sex in a place where you may be caught. But do you worry that some stranger can see you naked. In this case, you can start with the locker room in a public place.
7. Put safety first
Safety and concern for the partner — are important factors in the traditional sex, but the realization of dreams and their importance increases twice. All participants must be able to unequivocally announce the physical and psychological discomfort and immediately exit the process.
Especially pay attention to the fantasies of dominance and submission where the discomfort of one of the parties is part of the game.
So, the fantasy of rape has very little to do with the very rape, because in my head, “victim” tightly controls “the aggressor,” forcing him to act in her best interests. Therefore, in such games needs to be stop words, to respond to that need immediately.
And, of course, sanitize all toys and equipment and read the instructions to them.
8. Consider the worst case scenario
Pre-imagine what your relationship can fail with bad implementation of sexual fantasies. In some cases, you will realize that it is not threatened by anything serious: you can just try something you do not like. For example, after two slaps with a belt partner say, “Hey, it’s not hot!” and you’ll just forget about this episode.
In other cases, rates can be higher. A special risk game involving third-party participants. One of the partners can cool down just by seeing the particular enthusiasm of his half, not directed at him. And to cool not only for fantasy but also to your beloved. In this case, you can schedule a trip to specializing in such matters to the psychologist, who will help to determine the potential reactions before it’s too late.
9. Do not press
The implementation of the sexual scenario, may like it or not. And that’s fine. Therefore it is necessary to discuss in advance with your partner that either of you, even the initiator has the right to stay in the process, as the fantasy eventually turned into a pumpkin. And even if all went well, you are not required to introduce new practices in their sexual life on a regular basis.
Do not forget that you both have the right to refuse the realization of fantasies of each other.
The partner should have the right to choose. Persuasion, manipulation, ultimatums and direct pressure deprive him of this right and lead to violence in relationships.
Prior arrangement will help to maintain trust and to share sexual fantasies in the future, even if with this particular something will go wrong.