To realize their fantasies, sharing secret desires and play them with a partner… love all the roles and scenes possible. But this performance requires tact.
I like to make my husband a surprise – it turns both of us – says 34-year-old Tatiana. Last summer we went to tidy up the house, inherited from his grandfather. Oleg planing a Board in the workshop. I pulled the coverall directly on the naked body and went to help him. Husband bare-chested wielding the plane and looked so sexy!
I stood in front of him and began unbuttoning his zipper. He first gasped in surprise – and then pushed me down directly on rammed earth. As I see this picture: the heat, the dust, our bodies glisten from sweat… and we have sex like two wild animals”.
Such a love game for this pair are not uncommon. Tatiana easily improvises, turning to his imagination. Not looking for ready-made models that offer countless movies, music videos, commercials… But not all of us possess this inner freedom. The more that we stifle stereotypes of sexuality, constantly encouraged by television, Internet sites, cinema. We involuntarily compare your intimate experience with the patterns that are presented to us from the screen or on the glossy pages… and begin to emulate fictional heroes perfect. But who said that celluloid archetypes “binding”?
Do they take into account our uniqueness, especially our own deep desires? “A rule sex is just one – says sexologist Igor Kon, to do just what you want, not what others are told, however respected they may be”.
Everything is possible
Nothing prevents us to resist standardization. How? Coming up with their own scenarios, as Tatiana. Creating his own movie. In fact, in love, anything is possible. Change gender, age, biography… “Adavay let’s pretend we’re…” Like children, coming up with ourselves stories in which they firmly believe, adults also can try a lot of roles to bring into your intimate life game beginning. Invented by us erotic movie allows you to admit yourself and your partner in the most secret fantasies, which directly we would never have the nerve to say…
To get away from the routine
While this is a way to act in new ways, to arrange a surprise and therefore again to revive desire, fading in daily monotony. “Imagination stimulates desire, helps to create a sensuous tension, to feel the need together to explore these new areas,says the analyst Svetlana Fedorova.40 – year-old Igor invented a game that his wife is willing to support. In the full moon night, he sends her an email like this: “tonight, my love, I get to decide everything. Light a candle, open a bottle of champagne, tie her eyes with a handkerchief and wait for me…”
If the wife agrees, she said nothing. Is their a rule: on receiving the message, the offer to not discuss, simply jump into action. Next time it’s her turn to give you a scenario. Some of the characters of these games are repeated periodically: the stranger/the stranger, a prostitute, a rapist, a lingerie seller, gynecologist. “The characters that we portray, or the selected theme is not the most important thing,says Igor.It is important, as we imagine the stories themselves. We start from our dreams and our memories. In our pair, each creates a universe on the basis of their personality.” That’s the difference between borrowed fantasies and “piece”, created and directed home.
To follow the desires
Wishes, not constrained by stereotypes, allow us to open such face in yourself and your partner, which we did not know or who refused to see. In this unexpectedly convinced a 32 – year-old Leah: “One day, for fun, I began to dress my friend in my clothes. And got enormous pleasure from it. At first, he protested: “What, me in female cloths? What do you take me!” But I saw that it excites him, and insisted that he wore a bra and a dress with ruffles.
Our excitement is growing. I said to him: “Show me how beautiful you are!”and he suddenly… brightened! It was a very emotional moment and stunning. I think we’re both in the day we opened our inherent bisexuality” To other couples re-enactment of the fantasies has a different meaning, rather psychotherapeutic. This happened with the 37 – year-old Alex, who has long secretly wanted to try a Threesome. One day he took courage, and admitted to his girlfriend that he wants to make love to her in company with another man. “To my great relief, she didn’t mind… But before you implement this idea, I tried using a therapist to figure out why I had such a fantasy.
The reasons were many. I grew up without a father, and therefore my mind has not fixed the positive male image, of any man I perceived with hostility, as a rival. In addition, I had to cope with his unwarranted jealousy. It was enough for Lena to throw some man “Hello!” as I already imagined them together in bed. The realization of the fantasy would allow me to break this frightening image, to deprive him of the mystery”.
Having decided to realize his old fantasy, Alex planned all of this without relying on chance. “As soon as I received the agreement – and Lena admitted that she’s turned on by this idea,we again weighed all “for” and “against”. Then began to look on the Internet partner. Almost two weeks negotiating with him. Finally we set a date date. On the appointed day my heart was beating hard from fear and excitement. Everything went almost exactly as I imagined. We both left strong memories about this day”.
Do like Tatiana or Alexei, to realize their fantasies, as the most simple or the most difficult? “Here is the most important – be guided by your desire,explains Svetlana Fedorova.Therefore it is better to ask yourself another question: “do I Really want to realize your fantasies?” And, in response, to forget about what’s considered acceptable and what is not permissible”.
According to the sexologist of Sylvain Mimouna – to understand their secret dreams will be easier if go through several stages: “the First important step to move from “personal imagination“, which exists only in our minds, to exchange fantasies with your partner. Then follows what can be called “voiced fantasies“: love couple in the dialogue plays a situation involving imaginary characters. And finally, the next step is to really engage in play other. But the third stage is not always reached. Very often it happens that one of the partners gets scared and blocks the implementation of the invented scenario. However, the second is not necessarily disappoint: many of us with abundant and fantasies“.
Step to reality
Love game may be limited to a mutual exchange scenarios: one describing his imaginary role during sex is often enough. Those who intend to go further, psychologists are calling for caution: this step is fraught with surprises. So, it happens that men, initially very proactive, crossing the threshold of swing of the club, to feel overwhelmed. It is not up to sex. And there is a risk that frustration will continue outside of the club.
