“Faking — it means love?” Why do women pretend in bed and what to do about men

If a woman fakes an orgasm, it means she loves you. Well, afraid or upset. Or she hate to be rude. Maybe she just can’t reach orgasm and uncomfortable to admit it. The mass of options. But if you are active and Mature person, you probably want the sex to bring joy not only to you but to your partner. Here’s what you should know to do that.

How many women fake orgasm

Very much. Several studies conducted from 1986 to 2010 showed that from 50 to 67% of women fake orgasms.

According to the candidate of psychological Sciences Erin Cooper, plays an important role common in society, the idea that the visibility of female orgasm increases the pleasure of men.

It is not surprising that women may feel the need to “play” during sex and deliberately to achieve orgasm.

Erin Cooper, Ph. D.

Despite the fact that imitation orgasm faced in one form or another many, the topic is poorly studied. Why Cooper has focused on the causes of the simulation.

Why women fake orgasm

Purpose, as a rule, are only four:

  1. To protect the feelings of your partner.
  2. To complete the sex.
  3. To avoid negative feelings about their own sexuality.
  4. To increase their own arousal.

Cooper notes that these factors can be divided into two groups: those that help to avoid some aspects of sex (2, 3) and those that are designed to make sex brighter, cheer up yourself or partner (1, 4).

By the way, fake orgasm for these reasons, not only women. About a quarter of men, according to research by canadian scientists, too, sometimes pretend. To hide the lack of ejaculate helps the condom.

What if the doubt crept in

Do not push and do not claim

Strictly to ask, faking your partner is meaningless. To know for sure you can never, and to get over it. A reliable answer can be obtained only if you have sex under observation in the laboratory — then it will show the cardiogram (and Yes, such issledovaniya). It is in your power only to create an atmosphere of trust in which the partner is not going to be afraid to tell you the truth or of something to ask.

Don’t waste time on conspiracy theories, just talk.

To communicate and discuss the details

Ask what your partner likes in your practice the most. If it’s difficult and uncomfortable, the idea that you really important to the pleasure of a partner, you will need to grow. Yes, it will take time, but in another way.

If your partner is already forced to pretend, it means that she faces some problem. Natural to take care of her and maintain. Indicate that her pleasure is important to you. And what if she doesn’t like something, are uncomfortable, or she lacks something, she is free to say so. Find out about the feelings of your partner: what turns especially and what else you can do. This will raise not only your mood, but also your skills as a lover.

How to help a woman to obtain a genuine pleasure

To find the clitoris

Forgotten the clitoris is the cause of most failed orgasms. It so happened that many have the idea only of a certain basic kind of sex that is supposed to bring fun couple, vaginal (penetration). This is where the partners achieve pleasure by friction of the penis on the inner walls of the vagina.

But if for men, this sex is really almost always ends with an orgasm, as the most sensitive part of their genitals — penis, for women the situation is reversed. No more than 20% of them unable to orgasm this way.

The answer is simple: the main center of sexual pleasure for them is the clitoris. And he penetralia sex (in the missionary position, for example) is practically not involved.

The ability to achieve orgasm those who still got the 20% and receive pleasure just from penetration, due to anatomical features. Their clitoris is closer to the entrance of the vagina and is stimulated indirectly. To make it clear how statistically big the role of the clitoris in female orgasm, note: 80-90% of women using vibrators, usually masturbate even without vaginal penetration.

Additional stimulation of the clitoris you can really solve a lot of questions. Make it easy: pre-or during sex, using your own hands or the vibrator. It is important to note that the sensitivity of the clitoris all women are different. Someone to deliver ecstatic happy light touch, and someone — active friction. Listen to the reaction of the partner and openly ask for tips.

Compliment. Lots of compliments

Imitation orgasm closely related to psychological factors. Women who can’t get pleasure just from vaginal penetration, often worried about their sexuality. In addition, most people remain in thrall to notions of “normal” and “proper” orgasms.

Educate yourself and dispel her fears. Compliments will help her to accept her body and to feel their unique sexuality.

Compliments will help to cope with another phenomenon on the way to this orgasm. Researchers call it spectatoring — concern about how we look during sex. Alarm “and if I look like stupid” “but not too weird bounces my Breasts are”, “and not too horrible sounds I make”. These issues are legitimate, but often they can completely drown out the pleasure. Your nice comments and enthusiasm will drive the action of spectatoring and will help to bring the partner to a bright orgasm.

To learn how excited the woman

The main enemies of the female orgasm — the psychological tension and expectation. Now you understand this principle, so it will be much easier to meet the orgasm in your pair.

A doctor of psychology and author of “How a woman wants” Emily Nagoski says if orgasm cannot be reached, you just need to let it go and stop to wait for him. It is necessary to make one important point: sex should always be enjoyable, but do not necessarily have to end with orgasm. Tell that to your partner. The very liberation from the expectations may have played her important role on your way to a bright sexual pleasure. The ability to test it sometimes need to develop: to listen to your feelings and give yourself the freedom to explore.

There is not only the right sex and a good orgasm. They are all different and unique every time.

To classify orgasms to vaginal and clitoral, strong and weak, of spontaneous or forced incorrectly. First of all, it promotes mild hysteria around the topic, makes us think of sexual pleasure as right or wrong, preferred or marginal. The only thing that actually unites all the orgasm is the sudden discharge of sexual tension. And that’s all.

The main way to deal with difficulties of orgasm — to make his goal of pleasure, not orgasm.

Emily Nagoski, doctor of psychology and researcher of sexuality

In the end

If a woman simulates an orgasm, it could mean anything. No point in guessing and looking for a flaw, but to develop the skills of a caring and sensual lover exactly worth it. Benefit of it will be both. Explore the female body looking for what affection bring the most vivid pleasure. And be sure to talk with your partner, ask for tips and tell about their experiences. All the tools in your hands:

  1. To communicate, to indicate that women’s pleasure a priority for you.
  2. To make compliments, to help the partner to relax.
  3. Try new things, and to ask the opinion of the halves. This will help to find the most effective and pleasant petting.