Every year, the world around us changes dramatically. What was previously habitual is gradually becoming a thing of the past, and new traditions are coming in return. About 90 years ago, when the hedgehog did not have a network of hospitals and maternity hospitals, allopathic medicine, almost all over the world, births took place at home. But giving birth to a husband was still not acceptable in those days. The husband could be in the next room, hear sounds, but he was not allowed into the room to the woman in labor. Childbirth took place in the presence of doctors.
When traditional maternity hospitals appeared, men were completely separated from women in labor by the walls of the maternity wards. There was a custom to give the happy dad a newborn, dressed in elegant diapers and blankets, at the threshold of the hospital.
And how the baby was born, and what the woman experienced during these days, the man could only guess. But in recent years, the presence of the husband during childbirth has become more and more common. And this has long been no longer exotic, but is regarded as a generally accepted traditional phenomenon.
In the cities of America and Europe, joint birth with her husband began to be practiced 20 years earlier than in Russia. Psychologists are now studying the positive and long-term effects of the early contact of newly-born fathers with their newborn babies. And in recent years, the question arises of whether this tradition will take root in Russia? Already known a lot of research and work on this subject. And also about how the fact of being present at childbirth and early contact with the baby enhances paternal feelings.
The decision must be mutual
A married couple, thinking about having a birth together, should take into account the fact that spouses should live together all the serious events that occur in the life of the family. And since childbirth is a rather serious event, it is a weighty argument in favor of the presence of a husband at childbirth. The decision must be based. Most men can decide that they will spend time with their wife during childbirth just because their friends did it, or because now all real men do it and it is considered fashionable. Such a decision would be unreliable.
As well as all things in family life, the choice of place for the birth of a child and the style of childbirth should also be mutual. If in such matters to show the psychological manipulation of one of the spouses, then after the birth of a child, problems in relations will surely arise. When relations with her husband are close, sincere and built on trust, it is possible that joint birth will be comfortable for both parties.
And when the relationship between husband and wife is strained, there is a great distance from the psychological side, it was not possible to find compromises and unravel nodes in the relationship during the entire pregnancy, then it is better for the husband not to be present at the birth of his wife. It is also better not to conduct experiments, but to give birth in the traditional way, if there is no consent in the family, and there is tension, both of both spouses, and from the side of at least one of them.
The wife’s participation in the husband’s decision
In some cases, the fashion for a husband to be present in the delivery room can become a trap for a couple. Disagreements between spouses in the decision to give birth together can also lead to problems in later life. Here it is necessary to seriously consider everything, and only make an informed and accurate decision. Since all people are different, and all families are unique in their own way, it is very important not to make a mistake with the choice. A woman who is about to give birth always thinks and worries about whether she can survive giving birth without the help and support of a loved one.
Having read information about preparation for childbirth, and about the process itself, as well as reviews from men who were present at the birth, it is likely she would want her husband to be around in such a serious period of time. If the future father is tormented by doubts about this, there is no need to insist and categorically. After all, childbirth is an unpredictable period of time, and nobody knows how everything will go. The expectant mother must first theoretically prepare herself for this process.
It is necessary to read literature, both about the fastest and easiest births, and about long and complex ones. You can watch the training video, in which the birth is organized together with the husband, read the reviews of both mothers who have already given birth, and from men, learn extraneous opinions and impressions about this. We ate first births, and the expectant mother thinks about the presence of her husband, it is necessary to attend special classes with him at the school of future parents, and be sure to watch the instructional video.
This is considered a very good practice. After such activities, it will be easier for the future father to decide whether to be present at the birth of a child or not. You can also give the future dad to read literature about helping a woman in labor during the labor period. But if, nevertheless, a man cannot give a concrete answer, there is no need to persuade him or, moreover, to put some ultimatums. Because it can happen that he goes to the delivery room only so as not to offend his wife, but after that he will lose interest in her as a woman.
Most men are too sensitive to situations where they are unable to help their wife cope with the pain, or cannot stop her, save her beloved from torment. It is hard for them to survive what they saw at the time the baby was born. That is why in those cases when the husband is not mentally ready for this, you do not need to be offended and upset, but simply ask for another close person, for example, a sister, girlfriend or mother.
Mistakes of spouses going to give birth together
Despite the fact that usually a woman becomes the initiator of joint labor, in some cases it happens and vice versa. A man himself may express a burning desire to be present during childbirth, but such a desire alone is not enough. Sometimes the expectant mother does not want her husband to be in the delivery room at the moment when she will give birth. And she can have many arguments for this reluctance. In this case, the man also should not insist on his decision.
Some families make big mistakes by going to joint births with their husbands by a non-mutual or unnatural decision. Childbirth is a moment of truth. They reveal the true nature of the relationship between spouses, and can become a kind of test of the quality and depth of their relationship. One of the wife’s mistakes is her desire for her husband to be present in the maternity ward for educational purposes only. So that he simply understands where the children come from and what a woman has to endure in order for the baby to be born. It is not right.
It is worth remembering that the presence at the birth of a child of a morally unprepared man can lead to the fact that, in addition to assisting the woman in labor, doctors will have to pump out her husband as well.
Being present at childbirth, a man sees the pain and fear of his wife. He becomes a participant in the pain experienced by the woman in childbirth. Not every man is ready for this. An ill-considered and not mutual desire to give birth together can lead to the fact that the whole truth about the relationship of the spouses, all unwillingness and fears at the time of birth will come out, and this can not be allowed. It is better to admit to each other in advance that you are not ready to give birth together. This will not be a defeat at all, let alone a diagnosis for the family.
On the contrary, strained, with the presence of distrust and resentment of the relationship of the spouses before pregnancy and during it, can change for the better after the birth of the baby, but not in the presence of the pope. Many of the men who, for whatever reason, do not have a desire to be present at childbirth, can be good, loving, gentle, and taking no small part in the upbringing of the baby, fathers. And at the same time reliable and responsible husbands.
Preparing a husband for joint birth
In the event that the decision is made mutually, and the husband, without any doubt, agrees to take part in the birth, he needs to be well prepared for this. A man should be ready for anything. We need to give him read literature on how the birth takes place. But this should not only be a description of an easy and quick birth process. He needs to know about childbirth with complications, prolonged childbirth, as well as the need for an emergency Caesarean section.
A man should be prepared for childbirth no less than the woman in labor. You can also invite him to read reviews from people taking joint births, or watch training films so that he already has at least some idea of what might happen. Mild and smooth preparation for joint birth is also considered the fact of pregnancy and its period.
When a husband psychologically senses his pregnant wife, that is, their married couple turns into a “pregnant couple” with the advent of pregnancy, and all the interests of the woman together with the unborn baby are taken into account, this is already the beginning of the smooth preparation of the husband for the birth process.
When for both spouses this pregnancy was desired, and they accepted this news with great joy, then this is considered a positive factor. Thoughts about the upcoming birth of a child spontaneously prepare men for this event. Therefore, it is necessary to think about giving birth to a husband from the very beginning. And over the entire period of pregnancy, gradually prepare him for this.
If initially a married couple made a mutual decision to give birth together, then it is also necessary to agree on everything ahead together and in advance. Together with her husband, discuss and choose a place where the spouses’ clan activities will take place. Choose together a specialist who is trusted by both the wife and husband. All gaps that relate directly to childbirth need to be discussed and removed in advance. It is necessary to discuss in detail everything that a wife expects in such an important period of time from her husband, as well as how the future father himself imagines it.
In order to better imagine the whole situation, you can talk with friends who already have such experience. You can pick up music soothing both spouses together, discuss pleasant aromas and the idea of filming the first minutes of the life of a future baby. During pregnancy, you can think together how to provide a more comfortable environment during the birth period, as well as make the first days spent with the newborn more comfortable. Giving birth under contract in the conditions of Russian maternity hospitals, all this is quite possible.
Most men must first imagine their own participation in the birth process. Therefore, spouses can make an approximate plan for the delivery of labor in conjunction with specialists. Thus, the future father will be able to well introduce this process. It is necessary to discuss with experts topics that concern spouses. A man needs to be explained what to do if labor is delayed, etc. And also to discuss the degree of medical participation and acceptable stimulation of labor.
The relationship of men to pain and fear associated with labor
A big obstacle in order to organize a joint birth with a husband can be his fear of blood and pain, as well as if the man hardly suffers the suffering of others. There is a commandment: “you will bear your children in torment”, therefore a woman who has accepted pain in the family becomes a mother. No one has commanded the man to see birth pain, and this is a matter of free choice.
And for the choice to be made correctly, a man must know his own reaction to the pain of a loved one well, and not try to hide his fears. Usually women, in comparison with their opposite sex, endure prolonged pain much more calmly. If we talk directly about pain caused by labor, this is indeed so. Some people, both men and women, perceive the process of giving birth to a child as an operation associated with a high degree of risk, or as something purely medical and catastrophic.
Many fears can be dispelled by simple and accessible information for any person about the period of labor, the psychology of the woman in childbirth and the physiology of labor, as well as about the various stages of this important process. Watching educational films also gives a good effect, a man will get a visual idea of how this process goes. If the husband is going to be present in the delivery room, it will be better for him if at first he sees all this on the screen from the side, and what is happening with an outside woman.
Watching educational films will be both a husband’s preparation for childbirth and a kind of test to see if he is ready to transfer the birth of a child to “live”. And if you read reviews about this, then fears can completely disappear. Reviews are written by people who have seen this, endured and survived, and can leave any useful advice. When a man has a certain picture of what can happen in his head, it is much easier for him to take part in this.
Actions of the husband present at childbirth
In some cases, it’s very important for a woman that her lover just be there. A woman in labor can feel much calmer when a close person directly related to the baby is just nearby. In addition, he can provide indispensable help, relieve pain during contractions by massage, help create the correct respiratory rhythm, and fulfill any whim of his beloved wife.
For many men, presence is participation, therefore, in preparation for joint births, the husband will not be prevented from taking special massage courses to relieve labor pain.