The world is such that we are surrounded by people who not only want to manipulate us, but especially learn to do this. For learning to manipulate (control) other people have a lot of courses, trainings and books. We want to control the sellers, media, government, parents, children, colleagues.
How to resist manipulation, says clinical psychologist, writer and presenter of the TV channel “Dr.” Michael Khors.
Can we oppose something to the rink? Of course, Yes! To do this, at least, need to get rid of rose-colored glasses and recognize that we live in a world where anyone can try to make us do something that is beneficial to him, not us. When I discuss this with my clients, there’s always someone sad sigh, say: “As it became terrible to live! It had been different”. No, not scary. It usually is. So it was always afraid the world is not worth it. It is better to accept him the way he is and care about your protection.
It is important to understand that all manipulative techniques are based on the distortion of reality on a lie. The manipulator takes the situation for what it is. His goal – to affect your emotional state. And emotions will make us do what is necessary to that person. Here are a few techniques used by manipulators deliberately or as a result of education received.
Manipulation through prescriptions
Within this technique, we are told that we have something to try, to buy, to do or not to do. What other ways and other opportunities we have.
For example: “You just have to have this thing in your wardrobe!/You don’t have to buy it in any case!” What feels a man who at one point closed all doors except one? He walks in the door, even if do not want to, because there is an emotional sense of zagnannosti.
To counteract such manipulation is sufficient to ask the question “why?” “Why I was obliged to have this thing in your wardrobe? Why don’t I have other possibilities? What can I do else? Besides that I have to do from the point of view of the manipulator?” Starting to think about it, we go back to the multivariant field of possibilities and can use them.
Manipulation via synthesis
Under this technique, the manipulator brings people and objects into groups according to their discretion, giving us a sense of commonality with someone or on the contrary a feeling of loneliness.
For example: “everyone has it/Nobody is”. To protect against such manipulation, we can ask: “are you sure you asked everyone?”
We remind ourselves that people are different and they do different – not everything is always the same! So we leave the artificial Association with other people that created the manipulator.
Manipulation through absolute assessment
Using this method, the manipulator put the stamps and judgments that need it, giving us a positive or negative emotion about a subject, person or action. For example: “This is a really good thing/This thing of bad quality”.
You have to understand that the words good/bad, much/little, strong/weak – absolutized assessments that are not tied to any point of reference.
Taking these estimates, we are involved in the rating system of the manipulator. To protect against this technique, it is necessary to give the assessment a point of reference to make it relative. You can ask the manipulator with which it point of view, this is a good thing? Why is this view correct? Compared to what this thing is poor quality? To compare?
What to do?
Remember that uncontrolled emotions and feelings help the manipulators to control you.
So before you commit to a certain action, ask yourself two questions:
- Why I want to do, what causes my actions?
- Why would I want to do it, what are my goals?
The answers to these questions will help you to stop, take your emotions under control and commit the act with a cool head. Give up the action if you can’t answer at least one of these questions. So you can better manage your life and achieve great success!