I’ve never liked or loved fear (who on earth would). I hate that queasy, nervous, heart-racing feeling which I experience whenever I’m scared or anxious. Fear can sometimes be a good thing as well. It can be read as a helpful mechanism that can be the harbinger of storms in life.
It’s the irrational fears that hold us back and stop us from enjoying every moment of our lives to the fullest.
Are you one of those who is stifled by fear for the most part of your life? I am definitely one! My fears have taken a toll on me in every aspect-emotionally, physically, and mentally. It’s gripped me, trampled me, all of which resulted in a decayed motivation and absolutely no inspiration to achieve or become something in my life.
Everything is powerful if you let it take over your body and mind, especially the fears. Fear is something that can hold onto you like it’s an adhesive impossible to get rid of, and you’d find yourself living a life filled with the “what-if” scenarios. (Yeah! I know we can lose count of such instances where only “what-ifs” were on our mind)
My Two Stages Of Fear
Of all that I can remember, I’ve faced fear in all forms. And the ones I’m going to tell you about left the deepest impact on me.
First Stage (The Baby Fear)
When I was a kid, I used to be afraid of this particular mathematics teacher (I’m sure you laughed or at least smiled after reading this). He looked like a demon to me (quite literally). If you ask me why, well, one- he always wanted me to solve the math problems on the board because he knew I’d get it wrong every damn time.
Two- he used to punish me for even the slightest mistakes. The nights before my mathematics exams were the worst. I used to be down with a fever every time. Well, guess what the actual problem was here? I realized in a while that my main fear here wasn’t my mathematics teacher, but the very subject itself, yes, I had math phobia. And my teacher was only trying to help me overcome it because he’d realized it even before my parents or I did. I made friends with him and he helped me make friends with numbers.
And my fear was gone in a few months. Without even understanding what my fear was, I’d sprouted off a hate relationship with my teacher. I was a small kid back then, but this story is important to understand how fear can cultivate hate in a jiffy.
Final Stage (The Darkest Fear)
You can call it the fear of the unknown (for real). I seemed to have become this magnet during my late teens that attracted only the negatives around me. I started to feel like I wasn’t good enough. I still remember how my family and friends made me watch the best of the inspirational videos, told me the best of such stories; they even showed me real examples. And guess what I learned from them all? I feared even more. I compared my life with all those inspirational counterparts and then drew a chart as to why I wasn’t even trying to be like them.
Does any of this make any sense to Y’all? Back then, it never did to me as well. But, I continued to live in my own world of anxiety and self-doubt. Born to intellectual parents, I always faced the worry or rather the fear of matching up to be their daughter (the smart daughter). And especially in my teen-hood, this somehow got onto me in the most negative manner. I stopped socializing, I started to put in more efforts than required to please this inner-doubtful-self of mine, I was so lost in my worries that whenever I met a guy on a date, I’d end up saying, “I worry you” instead of “I Love you” (Rofl). My imperfections had blindfolded me. I couldn’t see anything beautiful. Neither could I love myself the way I was.
One fine day, I gathered up all the courage and spoke to my mom about it. I told her about how I felt. I told her that I wasn’t sure if I was good enough to be their intelligent daughter. That’s when my mother smiled (mothers always do this when you’re worried, right?) She told me about her fears, her failures in life. She said, “Beta, nobody is perfect. And nothing in life can ever be perfect”.
After a good two hours of talking to her, I realized that fears are all an outcome of our thinking. We need to embrace our fears, get to the root of the problem and start working on it. After I spoke to my mom, I worried less, I tried to take life as it came, and made sure that I lived and cherished the smallest to the biggest moments of my life.
Life is now. Life is you. So, just be you. And don’t let your fears take that away from you. Tell us about your fears, maybe we could all help you get rid of them.