After a divorce, life does not end – a mother can meet the man of her dreams and get married. That’s just the baby is not always ready to share her joy in this regard. So how to help your child make friends with his stepfather, and his husband to gain the trust of the crumbs?
The smaller the child’s age, the sooner and more painlessly he will accept a replacement. The children most quickly get used to stepfather are children under 3 years old. At this age, they easily adapt to a new person and establish communication with him if they are in a familiar environment. After 3 years, the child becomes a pronounced owner, and a heightened sense of ownership applies not only to toys, but also to close people, including mother. Everything is fixable if both the woman and her husband have the patience and will not rush things.
A new man in the family should not immediately claim the role of father, demand obedience and veneration. If a new member of the family pays enough attention to the child, treats him and his mother kindly, he will undoubtedly gradually gain favor and trust the crumbs.
Affectionate touch, communication and smell are most important for the baby. If his dad used a certain perfume, ask your new companion to use the same for a while. Very often, a man wants to become a caring dad, but does not imagine what needs to be done. Help him out. Unobtrusively say what you expect from him in relation to the child, what help you need. The task needs to be formulated specifically: “Walk, play, feed”, then tactfully explain, and even better – show how you play with the baby and feed him.
Relationship with a 1-2 year old baby helps to establish joint games. The new dad can build a doll house, a garage with him, draw, feed the birds. Girls take their mother’s husband faster, if he sometimes plays with them dolls or dances, gives them compliments.
If the separation from the father happened after the child was 2 years old, it will not be so easy for the new dad to gain confidence. Do not wait for the baby to feel the location from the first days. At this age, children begin to be jealous of people close to them, and this feeling can manifest itself in relation to a stranger as yet for a crumb person.
To avoid negativity in the baby’s relationship with her mother’s chosen one, it is better to start forming their relationship in advance. The future stepfather should regularly visit, and at a time when the baby is not sleeping at home. About his visit you need to warn the baby in advance. So mom will show that she respects her son or daughter.
Mom and her companion should think over joint games with the baby, be interested in his opinion: “Where are we going today? What do you want to do? ” If a child does harm to his stepfather in every way, although there are no objective reasons for this, do not punish him. It’s better to just let him know that both mom and new dad are very upset and upset.
Gradually, when the child gets used to the new person, it is possible to organize joint “visiting” events – picnics, trips to the circus, theater or to visit. Try also for 10-15 minutes to leave the baby alone with the future stepfather. So the baby will gain experience of independent communication with a person who is still a stranger to him. If all goes well, start a gradual “relocation”. Sleep under one roof, wishes for a good night and good morning will gradually create the atmosphere of a new family, and the child will cease to be jealous of her mother.
Mom should try to maintain a friendly relationship with the parents of her ex-husband – this is her baby’s grandparents. It is also worth trying to have the child accepted and loved by the parents of the new husband.
How can I call you?
This question usually arises in children over 3 years old. Psychologists advise calling a stepfather by name. If the relationship between the new family member and the child is good, over time the baby will call his mother’s husband dad. In this case, the son or daughter must clearly understand the difference between the stepfather and the father. They need confidence that, living and loving their stepfather, they thereby do not betray the pope. In any case, the baby should know the truth, this will help him get rid of anxiety and guilt.
A woman should try to convey to her ex-husband that no one is taking his child away. But the crumb can be said that in his life there will be many friends whom he will love equally, and there is nothing wrong with the fact that he will relate to his stepfather in the same way.