Every woman wants to have a child, only the majority dream about offspring in the future – far or not, someday, but not now. Life, however, is full of irony, and a woman too often turns out unprepared for the news that she is pregnant.
How not to get lost in the swarm of anxious thoughts inevitably arising in this difficult situation, the SHE correspondent learned from specialists.
The first question is statistics on backfilling: how many women do we have, for whom the news of pregnancy is unexpected? It is difficult to assume, because in the statistical reports there is no column “did you want this child?”.
But, as gynecologists say, this figure is scanty: only for a quarter of the townspeople, the news of pregnancy is expected. The vast majority of babies are born to mothers who did not expect them. Or are not born at all.
Unexpected numbers
When asked why so few women plan to replenish, gynecologists express themselves sharply and unanimously: women do not use regular contraception.
Not only young, with unsettled relationships, but even married, living in a marriage. Women in Russia do not want to believe in world practice, preferring to cherish the idea that any interference in the body is harmful.
Young women under 29 years of age face the problem of an unplanned pregnancy not more often than the more experienced ones, but in half the cases they opt for abortion, forming the basis for abortion statistics. Last but not least, the decision to have an abortion is taken when the fears of a pregnant woman outweigh the potential joy of the child’s birth.
I’m afraid …
Even if the future mother is a sample for all moms taken together, healthy, beautiful and prudent, this does not guarantee that the decision to give birth is easy for her. What moments can stop it?
Problem 1. There is no father.According to the sad data of a practicing gynecologist, many women, even if they want to give birth, have an abortion – because the partner is not ready for the child. A civil husband, a legitimate husband or just a guy from whom a “flight” happened – the options are different, but the problem is one: a man does not want to know about the child.
What to do? “This happens in a couple where the partner is an immature man,” says psychologist, family consultant of the Insight clinic Lyudmila Yurganova. In this case, it may be worthwhile to seek the advice of a specialist: maturity is a business that is acquired, albeit difficult. If the “husband” waved to you, and you are determined to give birth, this does not mean that your child is doomed to a lifelong diagnosis of fatherlessness. According to psychologists, the main thing in upbringing is to have the support of a man who has authority, whether he is an uncle, a father or a good friend of a woman. This opinion is not controversial, but here the psychologists are unanimous: “any, but father” is not at all an option, as some women think.
Problem 2. There is no money.This is the most dangerous situation – when a woman turns out to be dependent on a partner not only morally but also financially. Then his decisive “no” leads to abortion in most cases. Imperfection of the social system in our country does not allow a woman to give birth to a child in a relaxed way, especially when one has to count only on oneself.
What to do? It is worth thinking about the degree of your independence as a person. No money – a very conditional reason.
According to the director of the training center “Psychology of Relations” Alena Berdnik, the news about the birth of a child often becomes the most powerful motivation for a woman to find a way out of the situation.
“Even if a woman is lonely and she does not have a husband, relatives usually help. There are not so many situations when there really is no way out. It’s another matter: if a woman does not want a child, she will find and justify all the arguments so as not to give birth, “Tatyana Skritskaya agrees.
Problem 3. There is no work. The paradox, but even those who have a permanent partner and wealth, today make a choice not in favor of the child: “The fear of losing the usual social environment, drop out of the rhythm is much stronger. For some women today it is much more terrible to lose a job than to lose a child, “psychologists note, confirming the widespread idea of changing priorities in modern society. Today even a new term has appeared – “to postpone the child”.
What to do?Strictly speaking, career and the child today do not exclude one another. “Today, there are many examples where employees with good health work up to the birth and return to work when the child is literally a few months. The employee works more successfully and efficiently if he is happy if everything is good in his family life, so a happy motherhood not only does not affect the decrease in qualifications, but can even increase the employee’s productivity, “says Elena Shestak, regional director of the recruiting company Kelly Services.
Problem 4. There is no health.The first thought that visits an “accidental mother” is a convulsive recollection of what she has been doing for the last two months. Anxiety is beaten after the first delay, and if the pregnancy has occurred, its duration usually ranges from 4 to 6 weeks. Indeed, the embryo is up to 12 weeks old when the formation of the placenta is most vulnerable to external influences. And if my mother, not knowing about conception, drank beer in the evenings, treated angina with antibiotics or smoked during working breaks, she is quite legitimately affected.
What to do? Obstetrician-gynecologist of the medical center “Zdravitsa” Irina Danilina told that antibacterial drugs negatively affect fetal formation, but the issue of abortion is solved only after a series of examinations and does not always lead to the necessity of medical abortion. The situation with taking alcohol and smoking as powerful damaging agents is analogous. “However, it’s impossible to say that some of these factors cause situations that are incompatible with life,” concludes Irina Danilina, recalling the level of development of modern medicine that allows to level out the effects of external influences and to identify defects in the early stages.
But the consequences of abortion, if they were earlier, can go round: after all, the traumatic effect on the cervix increases the risk of not taking out a new pregnancy.
Look inside
Maybe you will find a digression into psychoanalysis. According to psychoanalysts, a girl in the process of growing up must experience a period of physical and emotional separation from her mother. If the relationship with the mother was far from ideal – then the first unplanned pregnancy is for the girl a demonstration that she can dispose of her own body. Deciding by abortion the issue with an unplanned child, the woman decides for herself important issues of self-identification.
Before you make a final decision, understand what exactly frightens you really. After acknowledging the existence of fear, you can understand it. An unplanned pregnancy is not the end of the world, and, honestly, whether all of us, now living, were planned by our parents?
