The birth of a child is one of the most exciting and long-awaited moments in the life of any woman. After the appearance of the baby, the woman feels herself the happiest person in the world and is ready to devote any free minute to him.
But, unfortunately, motherhood sometimes brings not only joy in the form of a little man, but also problems of a physiological and psychological nature. Indeed, from sleepless nights there is a feeling of limitless fatigue, during the day there is absolutely no time to relax due to constant washing, ironing, cleaning and cooking, and the husband’s allusions to the love and affection owed to him become more insistent.
But many women try to avoid sex after childbirth because of the pain that occurs after sexual intercourse. There are two types of causes of this pain: physical and psychological. Whatever the reasons, the problem must be resolved immediately to avoid serious complications.
Do not worry, there are many ways to overcome pain and return to normal sex life. In order to start treatment, you need to understand the causes of its occurrence, for this we will consider them in more detail.
After childbirth, a woman’s body undergoes some changes, so all sex life after childbirth has its own characteristics. The general recommendation of doctors is that the first sexual intercourse with penetration can occur a month and a half after the baby is born, before that it is better to give preference to oral caresses. This period may seem too long for someone, and for someone it will take even longer to recover, but this interval was not chosen by chance at all – during this time the vagina and uterus are restored. But do not forget that each organism is unique, which means that regeneration processes occur individually. Therefore, one month is enough for someone to fully recover, and for someone two months will seem a little.
Regardless of the past period, the first time you need to ask your husband to be very careful. It can be painful for a woman to have sex immediately after giving birth because during intercourse the stitches imposed during episiotomy and perineal ruptures may interfere. In addition, painful sensations can occur due to thinning of the folds of the vulva, excessive dryness of the vagina due to a strong change in hormonal levels, and also due to irritation from ordinary soap, various local preparations and other chemicals. And even if the husband insists on doing all his “I want”: fast pace, passionate movements and the most deep penetration, try to slow him down a little. Much depends on the first sex after childbirth, if a woman feels too much pain, then psychological problems may arise in the future.
How to overcome physiological problems?
The physiological reasons, as it is not difficult to guess, arise due to changes in the female body after childbirth. Identifying them yourself is quite difficult, the true cause and the right direction of treatment will tell the attending gynecologist. And it is very important to do this before the first sex after childbirth, but if it was not there or problems appeared already in the process, then you should not self-medicate anyway.
First, ask your husband not to rush you, let the beloved man focus on your condition, not on his needs and help get as much pleasure from sex as possible. Try to turn this time into something special – light candles, turn on relaxing music, put on your very best underwear. Oral caresses and a gentle, long prelude will help you relax and tune in the appropriate manner. Let the first penetrations be as gentle as possible, try to find a suitable, painless pace. Be sure to try new poses if you feel physical discomfort in the old positions. For example, in the doggy-style pose, the most painful sensations are manifested, so it is better to start with the usual “missionary” pose and the “cowgirl” pose. An interesting option would be the pose “69”,
Secondly, if postpartum sutures cause discomfort and enough time has passed after childbirth, then you should see a doctor. Check if the genitals look the same as they did before the birth, because at the current level of development of medicine, postpartum scars are almost invisible and there is no deformation of the organs. It is possible that something began to heal wrong or the infection got into the place of breaks.
If this is true, then treatment should be started as soon as possible, because the infection can cause extensive inflammation, which will lead to the worst consequences for the whole body. If there is no infection, but the seams still cause discomfort, be sure to consult a doctor with a request for the appointment of additional physiotherapy, ointments and creams for additional processing.
Thirdly, if the pain occurs due to the dryness of the vagina, then the problem can be approached comprehensively. The easiest way is special lubricants, which can be purchased at a pharmacy or in sex shops. In the postpartum period, it is worth giving preference to water-based lubricants, which, unlike oil lubricants, will not cause irritation of thinned tissues, mucous membranes and very sensitive sheaths of the vagina. In addition, oil-based lubricants can lead to the destruction of latex, and therefore can lead to the birth of a new life. Another child is wonderful, but if conception occurs immediately after childbirth, then pregnancy can be quite difficult. Since the problem often has a hormonal character, it is necessary to visit the appropriate doctor and start taking hormonal drugs.
The fourth, most common physiological problem is a stretched vagina. In fact, this is, in a way, a myth, because the vagina can not be stretched in any way! But his muscles can weaken. Due to the flabby muscles of the vagina due to the walking air during sex, strange sounds may appear that are not unnatural, but can annoy partners. Kegel special exercises will help return muscles to their former shape or pump up. With their help, you can quickly enter the familiar rhythm and even discover new sensations.
If with physiological reasons, everything is quite simple and it takes from one month to six months to eliminate them and you can overcome them with the help of well-known drugs and techniques. The psychological reasons are much more complicated, because the human psyche is not fully understood and the phrase “I do not want sex” can sound much longer than six months after delivery. Three most popular psychological problems after childbirth can be distinguished.
The first problem is fear of pain
Scientists have calculated that the pain experienced by a woman during childbirth is equal to pain during a single fracture of several bones. Therefore, after childbirth, many women convince themselves that the first time will be accompanied by labor pain. And, the program is not long in coming! The muscles of the vagina will contract greatly, and these contractions will subsequently lead to very painful sensations. Moreover, this pain can come back again and again, until this psychological problem is eliminated.
The second problem is acute dissatisfaction with their appearance.
It’s no secret that a woman is always more critical of her appearance, that you can often hear phrases from her: “I want to be the most beautiful!” or “I want to be the sexiest.” But during pregnancy, the vast majority of women gain weight significantly, their facial features change, cellulite and stretch marks appear. Naturally, such an appearance depresses them greatly, and nobody has managed to lose weight quickly without losing health, so pain during sex can be caused by an internal “block”. This “block” includes all her beliefs that she is now not beautiful, not sexy, and that she should not have sex before getting herself in shape.
The third psychological reason is the cultivation of motherhood
Especially often this problem is faced by those couples who become parents for the first time. The woman is completely given to the care and upbringing of the baby, and any attempts by her husband to persuade her to intimacy are perceived “with hostility”. Often a woman herself does not understand what is happening to her, but her husband’s phrase “I want sex” causes unnatural feelings in her, and from a physiological point of view, everything goes according to the pattern – unwillingness – spasm – contraction of the vaginal muscles – pain.
How to overcome psychological problems?
In order to avoid a number of psychological problems and overcome those that have already arisen, you can follow a few simple rules.
Firstly, one does not have to try to be the first, peculiar miracle – a woman. No matter how many problems and worries a young mother would have, she still remains a woman who has friends with whom she wants to chat and spend time, a beloved person who needs to be paid attention. In addition, the list of standard women’s “want” includes shopping, visits to spas, personal care, self-development and education. But, unfortunately, women forget about themselves and completely surrender to motherhood. Such behavior over time will annoy not only her husband and family, but also herself.
To relieve stress – go shopping and buy beautiful underwear, do manicures and pedicures, trust experienced massage therapists – let them stretch your muscles and tone your body. After relaxing and putting your nervous system in order, you will remove the internal blocks and with them the cramps and pains that occur during sex will disappear.
Secondly, it is necessary to follow the simple truth “sleep is the head of everything.” You may think that this is a mockery – to offer a young mother a dream, but in fact, she needs a dream no less than a small crumb. Lack of sleep dulls attention and increases irritability, and what kind of sex and affection of a husband can we talk about when a wife just wants to sleep? Therefore, you need to find time to sleep, call your grandmother or best friend to help, at the weekend, ask your husband to replace you for several hours in the afternoon, so that he gets passionate sex at night.
Thirdly, you need to learn to stay away from problems. After giving birth, the woman is in constant tension, she worries about her little miracle. In addition to the child, due to hormonal disruptions, everything in the world can take her out, and such behavior can lead to postpartum depression. And here just the lack of sex can aggravate the situation even worse!
With the advent of the baby, the young mother should not forget about herself, about what she was interested in before. That she is loved not only by a small child, but also by her husband, who also wants to do everything for her happiness. So try to relax more often. For example, imagine that you are not at home, but somewhere on the coast, tell your husband your secret desires. Such moments will help to remove other psychological problems, as well as diversify your sex life.