If your child did not have an age crisis of two years, he will certainly come in three. And it’s hard to say how much your nerves are enough: usually every parent has an acute desire to put a whim in a corner, put him on a high chair or slap in the ass…
“A parent is a leader, not the person from whom the ropes are twisted”
Igor Kuznetsov, 35 years old, father of two children
Psychology and development of children: crisis of 3 years
The crisis of three years is the critical age of the child. A new stage marks a turning point in its development. How to survive this period with the least “losses”?
I am a strict father and I believe that punishment is needed. This does not mean thrashing mercilessly, but the parent must show that he is the leader, and not the person from whom the ropes are twisted. And at the age of three years, children are just trying to do this, for every reason they arrange a tantrum, do not listen.
I remember how my son lay on the floor in the store, demanding to buy a chocolate bar. I told him that if he didn’t calm down, I would punish him at home. And he punished – he could put on the ass and put in a corner. But then he knew that his father did not throw words into the wind. The daughter suffered the same fate, only without slaps – still a girl. Now the son is 12 years old, his daughter is 9. For a long time we have been without a corner (a ban on the computer is enough), but I do not regret that they (corners) were. Only in this way I brought children to feelings.
“Without punishment they will not obey less”
Julia Travkina, 29 years old, mother of two children
To be honest, she herself was beaten by her parents more than once in her childhood and, even as a little girl, decided that I would never physically punish my children. But she once violated this: when her son was three years old, she got angry at him for throwing stones at people on the street. I told him: “You can’t do this!” And he continued. I boiled, grabbed his jacket, dragged him home, spanked and put in a corner until my father returned from work, that is, about half an hour. Then it was terribly embarrassing, and I realized that I had not kept my word to myself, that I hadn’t changed the situation much, I had only patted my nerves for myself and him.
Once again, she promised herself not to do this anymore and am still doing it. Now the daughter is just three years old. If there is a similar situation, I just try to distract her: “Look, there, it seems, the dog is running! Let’s go and see! ” and take away. Sometimes it’s very difficult, but I overcame an acute desire to punish, I try to find an approach. Children can be raised without punishment, in my opinion, and they will not respect and obey their parents less.
Evlalia Prosvetova psychologist, presenter of parent-child groups “Children and parents”
Just stop forever shouting at the child
A cry is the usual parental reaction to disobedience, and in some families the main method of education. True, he does not bring anything good, and sooner or later, too, ceases to be effective. Why is yelling at children harmful and how to stop yourself?
Punishment is a good thing, but not for a three-year-old child, but rather for children five years of age and older. Punishments must follow the violation of the rule, and the rules themselves must be clear, understandable, agreed upon in advance. It is necessary to punish by depriving something good, but not doing something bad to the child.
The baby is unlikely to understand the punishment system at three years old. And the situations themselves, when he behaves badly, can be divided into two groups: he can’t cope with something, and this, in fact, is a cry for help, or he defends some of his values. When we slap him, we inform him that asking for help is bad, that he is bad now, and that violence is an acceptable thing. Sent to a corner or put on a stool – the same thing, plus we break off relations with him. Imagine how the child feels then: he is abandoned, we do not love, bad…
On the other hand, parents must outline the boundaries, show that “I know my values and protect them, and you know your values and have the right to protect them.” That is, it will be right to stop the child who is trying to violate the border (ask him not to throw stones, move away from the window), remove the reason (take the baby to the side), voice the ban. In no case should you go on about the crumbs and buy this chocolate bar or ignore throwing stones.
You draw the border, and, of course, the child will be upset, will be angry, cry, scream, and it is important not to punish the breakup, but to console, sympathize, but at the same time continue to stand your ground.
