24.11.2020

Is it harmless offensive compliments

Did you have is – you said like a compliment and like he said your friend or boss or someone else close, and you even smiled in response, and then stand and think, “what was that?”. And something unpleasant in my soul – whether sediment drops out, or the anger rises, but is clearly something foreign and unpleasant settled there. How do you respond to such a “powdered rudeness”? Or not react?

I propose today to consider options for how it can be done.

Is it harmless offensive compliments?

Let us first consider the example of what kind of compliment it is. They always consist of 2 parts: first you say something undeniably beautiful and pleasant –what we used to consider a real compliment, and then, in the second part, appears, even at first glance, the usual, but if you listen, a very bad sequel.

A few examples:

  • “You’re pretty for your age!”
  • “You look beautiful, just coat this color doesn’t suit you”
  • “Good job! And how did you get a job after maternity leave?”
  • “What is your son cute! Father must be beautiful!”

First you praise is put on a pedestal and then it is removed and sometimes take off and not very accurate. In the end, a compliment there, and joy – not…

And nothing, happens without thinking the man blurted out. But in most cases this is done intentionally. For what? Common manipulation.

For example, men are doing it with the purpose of to underestimate your self-esteem and,hence, facilitate their task is to make you more accessible and to rise in his own eyes. As you behold this example: “I Usually don’t like short haircuts, but your great!”? You will not understand, that is a compliment with a double bottom, right?

Okay men, and friends and relatives, also use this technique. For what? For example, to devalue your achievements. And the reason for this can be many, including the banal envy.

And who leads in the number of ambiguous compliments in our lives? Of course, our parents, especially mothers:

  • “You have a normal haircut, finally look like a man”
  • “Boy, that is gone, God knows how, but even so, it’s better than it was,”
  • “Well, dressed normally, and walk like..”.

Kind of like praise, but some questionable.

With the way these compliments to recognize, to understand. Now consider how to react.

How to respond to compliments “double bottom”?

There are many options, choose the one that you have to “like”, and, of course, take into consideration to whom will go this your reaction.

To ignore

This is not the position of “victim”, of course, if you do not feel her. Your indifference will show the person that his opinion doesn’t bother you and demonstrate your indifferent attitude towards it. Especially if his goal was to rile you up, to bring to your attention, this form of reaction is the best.

Thank

This is justified in the case where ignore does not work, and to join in “the fight” is impossible or just not desirable. Choose a form of reaction against the people who say these compliments not out of malice, just not thinking.

Agree with the first part (compliment?)

That is, expressing gratitude, say something.

For example, at work your boss says: “today You did a great job! Always!” You smile and say, “Thank you for paying attention to done a job today!”. And the second part of the “compliment” ignored.

Reply

There are times when it is better not frills, and immediately draw the attention of the interlocutor that you do not like this format of communication. To say what you do not like the most correct form and the position of the “I – message”. That is, when you talk about yourself, do not blame the interlocutor: “I’m sad”, “I hate”, “I’d rather not”. Do not use accusatory phrase: “listen to yourself”, “if more time say you’re not my friend anymore”, “you’re so/so”.

Laugh

Don’t forget that there are times when such “compliments” should not be taken seriously. In such cases, your best response to the situation – humor.

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