It is believed that one of the positive components of envy is a confession. And really, when someone claims that envies us, we, of course, if configured for this man friendly, try to hear in his words that “You’re cool. I also want to be as cool as you.”
That is the envy of us want repostory on Facebook or post on Instagram. That’s about it, we prefer to dream when we buy, for example, a car with premium and set it in front of the house for all to see. That is the envy of trying to declare themselves, when we praise the other.
Envy declared and never
But being a specialist in the field of psychology, I always prefer to watch where the people themselves, coming to me for support, to look scared, or for various reasons refuse.
“Dima, you’re such a good writer, I envy you” – comment on my articles to friends and colleagues. And, apparently, expect that I will melt from happiness in a grateful smile. And put a “like” under their message.
Well, like, sure, I’ll deliver. Where without it nowadays? But instead of joy and pleasure at such moments rather cringe in horror. And instinctively begin to look around, unconsciously assessing a route for escape.
After all, envy in my opinion – an extremely destructive feeling.
The person experiencing it, mobilized to protect their own self-esteem at the expense of the other, its success or relationship with him.
If there is none of the above, then, as a rule, envy begins to break down himself, wrapping his aggression in a painful symptom or destructive behavior.
That’s why I’m not happy to hear these so-called compliments. They scare me. Like inadequate at first glance it didn’t look.
However, if I still have the choice, I prefer seeing my man talking about envy but did not show it in the form of flirtatious admiration. At least then I can have time to prepare (either to escape or to fight). Otherwise forced to lose valuable time on a deep analysis of the foregoing, and the decision about what to do next.
However, for obvious reasons, people who experience is a conscious or repressed into the unconscious feeling, not often willing to be as outspoken as I would like (I suspect that reviews about envy of my literary talent now will be much less).
It’s like the joke:
Your dog admits to himself?
– Of course. Otherwise, how can she bite You?
To hide their own intentions – a skill vital in the conduct of any war.
But okay others. To manage them is impossible.
What to do with their own jealousy?
To declare it, to avoid mention of it at all to delete that word from your personal lexicon, in order not to scare people? Or maybe something else?
I prefer these things not to be a counselor. Painfully spicy theme. But, once begun, will tell how to treat her, how they support customers and sometimes offer to make colleagues in the exchange of experience.
I proceed from the assumption that wherever there is inequality and at least situational, but the helplessness in the face of attempts to eliminate it, there is the envy.
Strength of this experience (and, consequently, how fast and powerful it will cause aggressive actions) depends on the concrete person, from its history and ability to reflect (i.e., to discover their own feelings, desires and intentions). But, in the end – its ability to withstand anxiety, at least an arbitrarily long period of time, not dumping the win back actions.
But if envy is just the desire to destroy the other. In an attempt, again, to protect their self-esteem from damage.
After all, if it will not, and will not be of inequality or evidence that I’m anywhere good enough.
So, if we translate the destructive intentions from the plane of active or passive action in the verbal plane (talking about this), legalizing its aggressive intentions, but not really destroying the other (usually a loved one) – then, convinced, envy ceases to define and structure the relationship.
It seems to me, just to tell another person about what you feel like it (or his success) to destroy, to reduce the peak internal stress. And where there is unbearable tension, there will be inevitable actions. And as a result caused other damage.
Among other things, this openness is uniquely disarming. And, of course, not the other, and me. After all, if someone knows I want to destroy it, he can do anything to protect themselves. Thus depriving me of the temptation to strike a sudden blow. And, if not a fool, will certainly do that. But, you see, to harm well-protected person is not as safe as unarmed.
So, if You don’t want in a situation that provokes jealousy (that is, periodically, in ordinary life), to harm nor the other, neither, I think, without the Frank conversations is not enough.
It then (probably) you just have to (mentally) recognize that envy is and will be in a relationship with someone unequal, but it is clearly indestructible and make the decision not to allow the destructive actions of course.
First and without contact with a live person – no way. Well not working this spiritual practice.
If there is no skill to make jealousy in contact with a specific person, to master it in terms of a thought experiment – a hopeless task.
Of course, it should be noted that such confession holds any relationship. Part of the family, learning about how often do You keep yourself from being able to harm them (e.g., in the form of blooming of rumors or verbal impairment), just fill up the approaches to her with broken furniture and debris, and will burn the tires every time you approach.
And because to admit the so-called black with envy (for your own safety) is not for everyone. I think that the safest option is to do it at therapeutic class.
There, in the artificially created proximity, soil for her is always there. But if these relations do not stand up to the legalization of Your evil intentions, such is not so crucial as when confessions to relatives or family members.