To begin with, that this article is for anyone who has any emotional disorders (neurosis, depression, addiction), emotional restraint, and psychosomatic symptoms. And for those who in their lives tend to actively rationalize and intellectualize the events (that is, for hypercontrol). That is, it refers to those who in life have an abundance of emotional negativity.
Next. Continue, adding, what is NOT in this article. It will not worn-out cliches. Postulates about how great refers to himself positively. About what is important to love yourself. And “powerful” installations on the theme that praise is the way to raise their self – esteem so I propose to move away from populismo.
I propose in this article to follow the logic of “Why – How”.
How and why to praise myself
What is praise as positive reinforcement.
It is a way to Express a positive attitude. Again. Praise is the only way to consolidate any your behavior in the form of habits. That is, in the long term. This is the main answer to the question “why do I need to praise myself”.
Suppose you have an excess of anxiety you can learn to stop it. You need the praise (read: positive reinforcement) every time you take away an inner sense of uncertainty (and not just waiting for that alarm to be).
Or you learn to build boundaries in relationships – you need praise every time you introduce an effective model of interaction with a partner.
Or you raise my self-esteem. You need praise every time you navigate on their capabilities instead of a mechanical compare yourself with others.
And about changing eating habits at a dependent behavior, I generally keep quiet – there is praise needed regularly (each time you overcome an impulsive thrust to the object of their addiction).
How to praise myself.
Step 1. No one praises himself for something unusual. Praise yourself for routine actions.
Let me explain. Unusual events in our lives is 1% of all life events. This is what we call change. Change is always accompanied by a range of emotions and feelings. If it is a positive change (and we are in the context of the current articles talk about them) – they are accompanied by a range of positive feelings. That is, your mind is ALREADY positively reinforces your behavior.
That is, praise yourself when you first rode a bike, swam, or spoke in a foreign language is to some extent a waste of time. As you already covers the wave of positivity.
But praise yourself when:
- you have something to get through the stump-deck
- when you get the first step (and after him there are 9 steps-actions)
- when you did something effectively, but objectively, the situation has not changed at all (since it requires many repetitions of effective behaviour) or has changed quite a bit
That is the ART.
Step 2. Reflection.
The most important praise is that it FOCUSES on a certain achievement. That is, you formulate what you did. You snatch from the routine of some of its key actions. You concentrate on your own successful strategies.
How are you going to praise yourself is also important. But is secondary compared to the fact that you are tracking an effective strategy.
Examples of praise:
I have done that solved the problem. I’m clever, I wouldn’t be offended. What I have done, now it looks like I managed to refuse (someone).
In these examples I suggest you to keep track of and remember 3 basic ENEMY of PRAISE:
1) generalizations. Words like: problem, difficulty, hindrance, bad, suffering, coping and other accents that you have removed or overcome, but YOU AWAY from the real object of your praise. Your task is to concentrate on what you were doing.
2) negative wording. I did not take offense. I sat with the feeling of powerlessness. I did not compare myself with anyone. I continued to think about suicide. All of these of any other similar phrasing with the word “not” concentrate and reinforce what for you is a conditional negative. So once again – your task is to concentrate on what you have done.
3) emphasis on the emotional reinforcement and not on the awareness of effective strategies of behavior. Praise should start and 80% of your attention to exactly WHAT you did effectively, correctly, successfully, or adequately to the situation.
That is, the praise focuses on:
- what I did
- how I did it
Step 3. emotional epithets.
Everything will be easy. The thing to remember is that the emotional part of the reinforcements can be anything, as long as it resonated for you personally. That is, NEVER use some universal stamps. They are short-lived.
Do the accents on that:
What I am. You can use any responsive inside of you epithets. Are you happy, cheer you up or just you like. That is, you take the pronoun “I” and attach it to what you.
“Good”, “good”, “beautiful”, “goddess”, “genius”, “Dodger”, “master”, etc.
As I have been. You can use any metaphor for HOW you did it what happened. Take the pronoun in the form of “had it” and added that the metaphor that you like.
“Lovely”, “epic”, “cool”, “awesome”, “impressive”, “effective”, “cute”, “right”, etc.
What I worthy. Such variation is ideal for those, who refers to himself self-critical and tend to engage in self-flagellation. The emphasis is on what you deserve by their conduct. Take the pronoun “I” and add what you deserve