On a date with a narcissist: how to understand that you fell into the trap

If your partner is a narcissist or a person with psychopathic personality traits, it can be pretty exhausting. For example, from day to day, even being in a relationship you can feel lonely, but not understanding why. Or perhaps you always think always speak something wrong or doing something wrong.

Or you don’t quite know what it was unpleasant to the person with whom you are together, but I do know that he upset you.

Is there any chance for a normal relationship with a narcissist? Alas, no such chance. So the sooner you will understand who is in front of you, the sooner you will be able to get rid of this unhealthy interaction. Donna Andersen (Donna Andersen), journalist and author of the popular website LoveFraud.com of toxic relations, told IFL Science about what moments you should pay attention, if you feel that your relationship can hardly be called normal. And we summarize for you the most important information on the topic.

“Love bombing”

First date with a narcissist is always love-bombing. As, however, and the second and third and fourth… Probably he told me, how are you different from the people he first had to meet, and all the while paying you compliments. Sounds good, right? But psychologists warn that this way a narcissist tries to catch a fish on a hook. Makes you feel like that you are the most important person in the world, they hooked you on “the needle”, off which will be difficult because it is something to hide, quite nice.

If you feel that the relationship is moving too fast, chances are you have experienced the love bombing. Simplifying: if someone says something about eternal love after a couple dates, hurry to retire, or at least retreat to a safe distance.

“Predator hunting”

Before Narcisse hooked up with you, he probably has searched for a new target. It looks like a predator in search of prey who knows exactly what he needs someone weak, someone you can use to your advantage. Usually the daffodils are studying your “victim” to the had no chance at salvation. According to Psych Central, most often they are paying attention to insecure people with low or very low self-esteem.

It is interesting here that with the same passion with which they throw themselves on the romantic recess, narcissists usually treat their family and friends. And that means you will surely see something positive before the attention of the narcissist to focus only on you.


According to Dr. Stephanie Sarkis (Stephanie Sarkis) in his blog for Psychology Today, spotlight – tactics of manipulators who feel pleasure when they have power over someone else. Sarkis says that it happens gradually, so the victim may be difficult to determine what is happening. Until then, until it is too late.

It can begin with minor lies, denying things they said or did, the substitution of reality, which is possible because the daffodils lie and go from the responses so adamant that you begin to doubt that is true whether you in your judgment. Yes, even in the case when I know that your judgments are correct. From time to time daffodils can reward you with compliments and praise to you again and again, I wasn’t sure at that time.

“Jekyll and Hyde”

Can’t understand why a partner that is charming and gentle, angry and always unhappy? This is a typical narcissistic tactic that allows them to hold your attention. Psychologists say that narcissists can be nice and loving when they have an audience (i.e., people), but become real monsters when you are alone.

Sometimes, experts add, the contrast is so striking that during the “thaw” you start blaming yourself, that was too harsh. However, it is important to remember that it’s just a mask Jekyll, which sooner or later will turn into Hyde. And, most regrettably, it was the Hyde in this case is a reflection of reality.

“The cleaner”

If you are lucky and the narcissist dumped you or, another option, you somehow managed to leave him, be prepared for the fact that he will return. And do it sooner than you think. It is important to remain vigilant to limit his access to their social networks, and try to avoid common companies. The problem is that the narcissist does not know how to perceive failures. And only if all of what you reward them is silent, they begin to realize that they no longer control the situation.

Narcisse will try to get you back, using the technique of vacuum cleaner: he would say, as well relates to you, to convince them that he realized his mistake, and to assure that they will never meet anyone like that. Your main task in such a situation, do not believe a word of it. Because if you agree to a reunion, in the end, it will become even worse. “It’s like the sequels of movies are rarely worthy,” concludes Donna Andersen.

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