SHE said: he did not bring the bread that I asked for, he deliberately humiliates me.
– HE: I’m not important to her, I the mechanism for execution.
– IT: it commands, how to put a wardrobe, a smear on the wall.
– SHE: I only want to be together.
Here is the table, bread, milk, wardrobe… That objects of the external world, in themselves they do not cause strong emotions, we’re just using them to your life and not even really notice, as we do, from time to time.
External and Internal peace in relationships
How is refracted in the relationship of the couple, the same items can deliver so many bright emotional outbursts?
Objects live in the outside World, and emotional outbursts occur in the Inner World. Without any mysticism, but he and the other worlds are real.
The outside World can touch, we see, hear and feel …
The Inner world is closed from view and often from the view of its author. We learn about the Inner world of our feelings, images, inner feelings, our values.
But sometimes a person lives and, moreover, he did not know his inner world, but not even aware of its existence.
As it happens that the door to the Inner world closed and the keys lost?
Learn and explore the inner world nobody taught us, was not before the elders were building “our new world”, where “who was anybody” could be anyone!
That we moderns are building some sort its counterpart, focused on external achievements and then again on external success.
And this external success may lead to a Palace or a 5-star hotel, but living in it does not guarantee happiness. Because happiness is the inner peace. And he remains in the cap of invisibility for its inhabitants.
Is formed and the Inner World at an early age.
As it did HE?
HIS dad always found something to complain about, and most importantly he was sure that everything that is made – it is made especially for him for evil, he saw evil intent, a message from the Pope: do not hit me – you’re a moron.
HE absorbed and DAD, and at the same time HUMILIATED Child.
And now building their relationship through the HUMILIATED Child who refuses freedom and sovereignty, until the revolt.
Then on the scene ITS another part in the form of an angry POPE. Then close a person is guilty of all his previous swallowed the humiliation, and already a small remark overwhelms HIS patience, and the answer is terrible smear on the wall.
Now and DAD and HUMILIATED the Child are an integral part of HIS personality.
History directly a detective, HE did not even realize that my father and HUMILIATED Child is successfully settled and live in his Inner World. When and how each of them acts, HE does not know.
Internal “PAPA” and “HUMILIATED Child” occasionally become puppeteers, and HE was a doll, acting in the relevant role.
Reality, filtered through the lens called “DADDY,” appears before HIM in my father’s vision.
SHE receives a response from the willing to stoop and give way to “HURT CHILD”, from the angry “DAD.”
As it happened SHE?
Mother loving, infallible and demanding was always and everywhere absolutely right. Mom was not upset because she did everything out of love for his daughter. Step aside, disobedience meant an insult to the infallible mom.
So SHE absorbed the “ALWAYS RIGHT MUM” and not able to object “DEPENDENT CHILD”.
When SHE looks at HIM through the lens of “MOM”, any disobedience is tantamount to insult.
Through the lens of “the CHILD”, SHE expects that HE would be infinitely to comfort HER, and protect from HIM.
And since all these transformations are invisible in the outside world, family life is so mysterious, amazing, and unpredictable!
Similar distortions of reality we “healthy” people happen all the time, and the only difference is the size and frequency of misstatements.
How do we manage to meet and even interact peacefully?
Imagine an orange. It consists of lobules.
Each of us really is a healthy, warm, strong SHARE. Turning to each other in this part we manage to meet, fall in love, make friends, to argue, to solve the current case and to understand the other.
However, there is no one to each its own “click” next comes another, slightly warped slice.
Here begins the detective story shifted when the table is not a table, and the POWER, the appeal of Cute and sounds like a MORON, the inaccuracy of the execution of the request – HUMILIATION. Miracles, in short, miracles are sad, they bring sorrow, tears, pain, unostentatious, this is a real pain.
Importantly, this detective there are no winners, some losers.
And each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.
Who is to blame and what to do?
The first thing you need to do to see this cut a slice in the “orange”. And it is not only important but very difficult task, because “in his eye and the beam, is not visible.”
And while not visible, there is always someone outside me who to BLAME: the wife or husband, or friend, it is something they are doing wrong. So my life doesn’t work!
Don’t look for the flaw out yourself, he’s with you, he is within you.
To see and meet my unknown part is very difficult, almost impossible, we need a third and not just any third – third should be a psychologist.
It will take effort to get acquainted, learn how with this part of yourself to live happily, but that’s another story.