How a person with depression lives

Depression is not just a spleen or a bad mood, it is a serious mental illness experienced by millions of people around the world. Through what every day a person with this diagnosis goes, the best thing can be told not by the doctor, but by the patient himself.

  • Judging by my observations, 99% of people with depression periodically think that they have no depression. Such a whiner-simulator syndrome. The psychiatrist diagnoses you, you have been tearing up pills for years, and still it seems to you that this is just a well-masked laziness or manipulation.
  • One of the common sensations in a depressive episode is “everywhere” pain. You can’t name a part of your body that DOES NOT hurt. The legs, the back, the head usually hurt the most, but, in general, it is individual. And this pain can not be stopped by anything but some bad substances.
  • A man in depression is the same friend in the company who sits all evening in the corner of the room, sometimes leafing through his mobile phone, and then gets drunk and cries, reacting to everything and spoiling everyone’s mood. (But more often he just doesn’t go anywhere with anyone, so this is a special case).
  • Most people with depression, in principle, do not feel happiness. You are healthy? Imagine you won a million dollars. Now imagine the joy of a cool tweet. And reduce it ten times. Now compare the event and the reaction. That’s about how the world around us makes us happy.
  • I noticed two extremes in people with depression: either you always cry, or you cannot cry at all. The first is still better – at least some emotions. On the other hand, everyone considers you a trembling flower, although sometimes tears begin for no reason, even when you are more or less normal.
  • In contrast, “Everyone is looking at me” – “Nobody sees / does not hear me.” Any phrases and gestures of the interlocutor or company in a certain condition can be interpreted as “I am superfluous in this company, I am not welcome here, I have to leave.”
  • Palms, feet, fingers and toes freeze constantly. At any temperature. I have mostly legs, so sometimes even in summer I sleep in socks. It looks pretty nice (no).
  • Very often I stare at one point. At first I thought it was a side effect of drugs, but then I found out that most of my friends with depression were having this. Not just thinking, but stopping your gaze without thinking about anything at all, and sometimes falling out of reality for several hours.
  • How does anxiety work? I will be metaphors again: imagine that in five minutes you will have an exam that will determine whether you will be happy / successful / loved or die painfully right away. And you are not ready for this exam. In short, this is what I feel when I wake up in the morning.
  • Sometimes, absolutely without reason, I can very clearly feel that I do not recognize the space in which I am. Logic is disabled, and you are VERY scared: it seems that you have lost your mind and lost your memory, or reality does not exist at all. This “fun” is called derealization.
  • A person with depression almost always feels guilty. Especially for behavior stemming from depression itself. “Sorry to cry / complain / feel pain / suffocate / fight in a fit”, etc. So, adults are around – they will decide whether or not to tolerate us like that. Tolerate means they need us.
  • A person with depression either does not perceive compliments in principle, or does not perceive it as it should (“Yes, I did it well, but at what cost”, etc.). This is not a desire to seem bad / good in your system of values ​​- a person really hates himself as his enemy.
  • In a lousy state, loud sounds, bright colors, sudden touches can cause real physical pain. I have mostly sounds. An alarm flashed in the courtyard – as if they were sawing a head, sometimes to cramps all over the body. If there were competitions in the most violent and loud fear of a falling spoon, creaking floor, rustling at the other end of the apartment, I would take all three first places and receive a prize of audience sympathy.
  • A super-frequent thing in depression is the “tedious sleep” syndrome. You wake up tired already. No matter how long the dream lasted, 3 hours or 18, you are tired as if you were taken into slavery on a plantation at night. The body hurts, the head is square, there are no forces. And so – every morning.
  • Unfinishing is a classic for depression. I didn’t argue, didn’t finish the work, I didn’t finish the film, I didn’t get where I needed it, etc. Forces disappear in the middle of the action and often for no reason. And then you listen to reproaches of procrastination and gnaw yourself even more.
  • A depressed person wants and does not want attention at the same time: there is not enough care, and at the same time, it causes a feeling of guilt, and as a result you sit alone, continuing to dream about care. Therefore, it is dumb to ask – I want your needs to be guessed. But the fault will be anyway.
  • Actually, nothing really needs to be done with the person in the depressive episode. Active actions and appeals to logic will not help – the statics will help: to bury oneself, to stroke one’s head and to reply to self-derogatory phrases “No, it’s not like that”. Wait for letting go and think about butterflies.
  • How then to support a person with a mental disorder and not devalue his / her condition? And it’s very simple: “Your feelings respond to me. I understand you, as far as another person can understand. I understand that it is very painful and scary. And I wouldn’t want you to feel that. ”

Have you had to deal with depression?

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