I went to work when my daughter was 4 months old. Was this decision easy for me? No, of course, but I had no choice. It so happened that I gave birth to a daughter alone, my mother agreed to help, and my task was to feed our family. 12 years have passed since then, I successfully made a career, found the man of my dreams, and my girl has successfully grown to adolescence.
For 12 years, I, like many other working mothers, have heard many reproaches. And here’s what I tell you: the confrontation between housewives and working mothers is as old as parenting exists. The household, of course, has its advantages. But if a mother voluntarily or involuntarily made her choice in favor of work, she should not apologize. At least for these seven things:
1. For imperfect order at home
Let’s start with the most obvious. A working mom can have a perfect house order only with a cleaning lady. In all other cases, she will definitely have a mess somewhere. Because when you work a full week, cleaning becomes not a duty, but a weekend privilege. Do I love when it’s clean at home? Of course, I love, but I also like to sleep, so during the working week between cleaning and sleeping I will unconditionally choose the second. And the cleaning will wait until Saturday.
2. For the lack of borsch in the refrigerator
Perhaps, in times of total shortage, women had to carefully compose a menu, checking with what can be found on store shelves. Therefore, our mothers carefully cooked borscht and fried meatballs for three days in advance. But with the modern technical equipment of the kitchen and the assortment in the shops, there is no need to spend years living on the stove. It is enough to throw a piece of fish into a double boiler and boil a couple of bags of rice, buy vegetables and fruits, and now the family is fully provided with food. No time for that too? You can always buy – horror – hand-made dumplings. Or order food with home delivery. Yes, this is not as budgetary as borsch and homemade patties, but it saves a lot of time. Who does not agree, sits hungry.
3. For unsubscribed crafts for kindergarten or school
The creative development of the child is wonderful. But more often, you and I know that the tasks that children give can only parents complete. Because no child will be able to independently make a scale model of the old Russian city, create a presentation in the Power Point program or start a portfolio. Dear educators and teachers, I am already quite developed, and including creatively, thanks for the care!
4. For expensive baby gifts
How many times have I heard that parents give away gifts to the baby from gifts, that a spiritual principle must be brought up in the child, that this is not pedagogical. No, I don’t think that expensive gifts can compensate for the absence of a mother for a child.
And I’m sure that emotional closeness with a child is important with and without gifts. My daughter, despite the difficulties of her transitional age, has always been and remains the closest friend of mine and the most beloved child in the world. But I also have the opportunity to give her an iPhone, because it is convenient and useful. For this, I worked for 12 years as crazy – so that we both had opportunities.
5. For unwillingness to participate in social life
In kindergarten and elementary school, my daughters did not like me. I was a thorn in the butt of both teachers and non-working moms. I didn’t want to dance for the teacher’s birthday, I suggested hiring a cleaning lady instead of scrubbing the class myself (200 rubles per person for six months and three hours of free time on my legal day off when it was my turn to clean).
In the end, I refused and refuse to donate money to the parent committee, if I’m not sure what I donate it for. For a good excursion, educational materials, gifts for children for the holidays – yes, for dubious animators or a performance of regular guest performers – no. And I will not apologize for this, because I convert my time into money by my own labor, so I can appreciate both.
6. For the desire to sleep on the weekend
Because the more strength I have, the more I can give. And the child as well. And if someone thinks that mom is such a magic fairy who has to get up at 7 in the morning and manage to bake a cake with whipped cream by the time the child wakes up, this someone either does not work, or grandmother. Of course, when your child is less than three years old, you will get up, whether you like it or not, because your little one is helpless.
But when he acquires a certain independence, he must learn to respect the rest of his mother, as well as his mother. If the house has cottage cheese, sour cream, fruits, tea, cheese and bread, the child will definitely not die of hunger. And we will bake pancakes together when everyone is asleep and ready for action.
7. For the desire to be realized in life not only through the family
Work is not just about earning a livelihood (well, if you chose it to your liking, not your hopelessness). It is a question of your realization, your fullness. Working mothers love their children, but they far-sightedly remember that every step of the child is a step from the mother, and not to her.
And that one day, no matter how trite it may sound, the chick will still fly out of the nest. Do not think that it is then that you will return to work – qualifications will be lost, time lost. Work will not wait for you for a decade and a half, so if you want to work now, you do not need to apologize for this. Growing up children will only be proud of what a cool specialist their mother is.