Agree, there are such type of women who like a magnet ”attracted” to his men, which they then abandon or change them. There is another type of women who never change.
So what is the difference between them? In appearance? The level of education? The amount of money in the account? In a career centerfolds? At the age of? The lush forms? Something else?
No, it’s another inner convictions/beliefs, but rather in the attitude of women to themselves, to life and to men in particular.
Women, which do not leave
That is what a woman thinks/believes about himself, about life and about men, and manifests itself in her life.
What beliefs, what picture of the world determine the female destiny ”throw?” or ”are you?” and how it can be changed.
Why are beliefs so important? Because they define what will happen to you in life.
If you believe that you are ugly, unworthy or what else in your opinion, that’s exactly what is happening in your life – you will always find proof that you think of themselves. The outside world only gets you to your opinion about yourself.
If you think that you are ”unworthy of a happy relationship” that you have a ”everything goes wrong”, that ”everyone in your family is unlucky” (this is an example, a lot of options) – then that’s the way it will develop in your life. Moreover, you transmit your beliefs to your children.
There is one caveat. The fact that you do NOT accept in your life, why resist what you want to run – it just will repeat until you accept it with love and gratitude. Because it’s teaches something, and you did not want to understand.
What does this have to the topic of why men leave? Direct.
If you do not accept loneliness, if it is unbearable for you, then this experience you will receive again and again, until you stop inside protest, resist or fight it, and accept it with peace.
Another example. If you are convinced that ”all men – goats”, ”men can’t be trusted”, ”I know better”, ”better to be alone than with just anyone” and the like, then this is the experience you’ll get in your life.
Your inner belief becomes your reality. And created it yourself. First within myself and then in my life.
Therefore, the conclusion is simple – be careful WHAT you think, HOW you think, what emotions. Then the causal relationships will become more transparent, more visible to you, you will learn to understand as you create in your life what you create.
Approach psychologist Liz Burbo
Liz Burbo, the famous American psychologist and metaphysician, perfectly highlighted the injury, the presence of which in women leads to the fact that the man is GUARANTEED to throw it in there, leave.
One of these injuries – injury abandoned, when women (and men too) can’t stand the loneliness, so clinging to the man. A normal man would leave her for sure. Don’t leave the only one that will self-actualize at her expense.
But you don’t need such an option?
Another injury, which discourages men when the woman, to avoid the betrayal of men not to show their vulnerability, takes the reins in your hands, controls, dictates its own requirements, checks, doesn’t trust the man. There is a program ”I myself”, ”I know better”.
A normal man will run away from such ladies. And what will remain? Weak, dependent, on which she will need to take care of, to guide, prompt. You need this option?
Next, I will quote excerpts from the book Liz Bourbeau ”Five injuries that make it difficult to be myself”, in which she talks about the five injuries and the masks that cover these injuries to man to avoid the pain of this injury, not to feel pain, but it does not allow the pain to heal.
The mask covers the wound but doesn’t heal it, with that pain and not at all. But despite this, he still periodically comes on the same rake again and forced to feel their pain.
Therefore, the goal is to see his mask (a pattern of behavior, pattern, personality), remove it to reveal his wound (pain, injury), to admit that here I have hurt and to heal this pain through understanding the reasons why it happened in the beginning, why the wound was formed.
Quote: When we come to heal some kind of trauma, it will inevitably select those parents that have to trigger this injury.
Liz Burbo argues that we choose our parents according to the principle of ”injury to injury”, they have to ”introduce” us to this internal state, concomitant injury, activate in us the trauma.
Because our soul, having come to this realization, have already planned, what were the specific injuries it will work. And it is precisely those injuries that we have ”lumped” in past lives, that is the moment of choice of the parents, we already have ”baggage” behind.
So our parents are always the best parents for us, for each individual. Some lives wear out of this trauma and are hesitant to deal with it, because to reopen old wounds very painful, says Liz Burbo.
Quote: the Mask created with the purpose of self-defense, are manifested in the body and appearance of a person.
Our body consciously so that it always finds a way to tell us that we are not in order, not settled. In fact, it is our inner GOD uses the body of the message.
When man first decided to deal with their pain, the first reaction is usually denial, followed by anger, and only then is he able to face reality. In the process of healing mask and transformed physical body, but slowly, because matter is changing slower than the subtle body. In this article I will talk about all five injuries, but only about one – Burbo Liz calls her ”Trauma abandoned (abandoned)”.
The man who has this trauma is experiencing emotional hunger, he always seems that he pays too little attention. He is prone to emotional fusion with others, feels responsible for other people’s emotions.
He’s looking for attention from others at any cost. Require the presence, attention, support, and reinforcement.
Has trouble when you have to do something or solve alone. He can not stand loneliness, loneliness intolerable.
A woman with such a trauma will inevitably attract into your life a man or men who dumped her, or she will be forced to close their eyes to their obvious flaws.
Usually this injury occurs up to 2 years, with the parent of the opposite sex.
Many people who carries the trauma of an abandoned, confirm that the child suffered from a lack of communication with the parent of the opposite sex. In most cases, these children thought that the parent of the opposite sex is not interested in them.
Trying to hide from this trauma, the child creates a mask DEPENDENT.
BODY TYPE DEPENDENT
For the mask-dependent characteristic lack of tone in the body. The body is always exactly expresses outwardly what is happening inside.
Dependent sure that nothing is able to achieve for himself what he needed somebody. And his whole body expresses this need for support. Looking at it, I want to help him.
Another feature of the dependent masks is the location of certain parts of the body below normal. Sometimes a curved back, like the spine is unable to hold it in straightened condition. Hanging, flabby look and other body parts – shoulders, breast, buttocks, cheeks, abdomen, etc.
DRAWING ATTENTION TO YOURSELF AT ANY COST
Dependent trying by all means to attract attention to himself, but really he seeks to support.
THE VICTIM’S BEHAVIOR TO ATTRACT ATTENTION TO HIS PERSON
Dependent can even create problems for yourself, including health, just to get the attention of others to the person. So he manages not to feel abandoned. After all, to be abandoned for it is incomparably harder than to survive their own created problems.
And there’s another pattern – the victim often willingly plays the role of Savior. He was seeking an occasion to ”save” someone he loves out of trouble. This is a more subtle way to attract attention.
THE NEED FOR SUPPORT AND APPROVAL OF THEIR DECISIONS
Regardless of how easy or difficult it to make my own decisions, he usually first accesses the others, asking their opinion or approval. He needs the feeling of approval and support in his decisions. And it’s not so important the actual physical help, like the FEELING of support from another person.
When it is supported, he took that help and love.
Dependent likes to work alone, he needs someone’s presence, even if just for moral support. When the project ends, he says: “what a pity that it’s over.” The end of something nice he perceives as if his left.
Dependent woman hardly takes no for an answer and insists on its request. The more she suffers, having been refused, the harder is looking for the means to get her way, uses manipulation, naughty, blackmailing, etc.
Dependent often turns for advice, as not confident in my ability to accomplish the task independently. He believes that if it is good to perform the trick himself, then nobody else will be doing and then comes the isolation, the loneliness, and that he wants to avoid at any cost.
A STRONG FEAR OF BEING ALONE
Loneliness frightens the dependent more than anything else. Therefore, clings to others and is doing everything in order to win their attention. He resorts to all sorts of tricks, if only he loved, but would not be left alone. For this he long and patiently endures the most painful situation.
His fear is expressed these thoughts: “What am I going to do alone? How am I supposed to be?”
The dependent personality has the most powerful ability to not see the problems in your partner. She prefers to believe that everything is in order, as she is afraid to be abandoned. If the partner announces he is leaving her, she is suffering incredibly, since I’m sure alone it can not cope.
Sadness, sadness is the strongest of emotions suffered by the dependent. He feels her in the most secret depths of the soul, unable to understand or to explain where it comes from. In order not to feel this sorrow, he seeks the society of other people.
AVOIDANCE OF CHIEFS OF AUTHORITIES, CONFLICT
Dependent afraid all the chiefs and powerful people. People with a commanding voice or overbearing manner seemed to him cold and indifferent.
For this reason, he is very kind and friendly with others, sometimes even excessively and compulsively. He hoped that through such behavior and others will be friendly and helpful, not cold and arrogant. But the effect is usually the opposite.
AVOIDING A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP
What lies behind the feeling of loneliness? One who suffers from it, unconsciously fenced off from the person you would like to see. Because subconsciously knows that he will still leave.
Triggered fear that he would leave and that he was alone. So he reveals his soul in order to these people. He fears and emotions that may occur in response to their attention.
Such behavior is not uncommon and it is easy to notice: the man is clearly hinders his own happiness. As soon as the relationship becomes closer, he subconsciously looking for a way to stop them.
DOING YOURSELF WHAT YOU ACCUSE OTHERS
They often accuse others that they had abandoned them. But they don’t want to see themselves often leave others. They don’t realize how much initiatives it done.
Dependent needs the presence and attention of others, but does not notice how often he denies to others what you require for yourself.
RESPONSIBILITY FOR EMOTIONS OF OTHER
Dependent easily identify themselves, “merge” with others and therefore tend to consider themselves responsible for their happiness or the unhappiness of others, just as they believed responsible for their troubles and joys.
This is a very disturbed individual deeply feels the emotions of others and easy to their influx. The desire to merge has generated all kinds of fears, for example fear of open spaces and crowded places.
Just in childhood dependent believed responsible for the happiness and misfortune of others. As a consequence, he too was nervous as can not constantly be alert and prevent all the misfortunes of others.
THE FEAR OF CHANGE
Dependent fear change, since change is a symbolic death. Can’t accept that something good can result.
DEMONSTRATION OF INDEPENDENCE
When an addict is faced with problems that his own dependence begets, in those moments he wants to be independent. To consider ourselves independent – a very common reaction among dependent, they love to tell others what they are independent!
ATTITUDE TOWARDS SEX
He often uses sex in order to get a tighter grip on your partner. It is especially popular among women. When addicted person sees that the partner wants it, she feels more important, valuable, significant.
As herself, she finds it such, and clings to the partner’s false belief that the partner will give her this, she can not give.
RELATIONSHIPS WITH PARENTS
Many people who carries the trauma of an abandoned, confirm that the child suffered from a lack of communication with the parent of the opposite sex.
They found it too closed and accused him that he gave to the other parent all the power. In most cases, these children thought that the parent of the opposite sex is not interested in them.
Quote: While we continue to get angry at the parent of the opposite sex (even unconsciously), until our relations with people of the same sex, and that this parent will get difficult.
Dependent is also unlimited and uncontrolled imagination. He imagines a situation well beyond reality.
Often, this desire, which has no soil dependent and doesn’t even know how to implement them. If it’s the way to dream about the desired partner, the effect is the opposite, so partner can only deter, so the effect is the opposite.
This way of dreams as uncontrolled mental activity, when the energy is spinning in my head, in my thoughts, and those thoughts – man, it turns out the effect of ”sticking” to the partner. It’s gooey, sticky energy, which, as it draws its power from your desired partner, and you would shout to him: ”give me, Give me your energy!”. This leads exactly to the opposite effect, because you vampirica this man.
Usually, the man picks up the signal and tries unconsciously to avoid contact with you.
The basis of this ”sticking” is your deep belief that you are without this man can not do, only he can be your happiness.
”I can’t live without him, my happiness is impossible without him!” – thus you miss your happiness with another decent man.
Conclusion: Dream about the men right! Stop dreaming about men from your head, using only the imagination.
Instead, think about this person based on a situation from real life that you already know what he’s got quality, listen to the sensations of your BODY. Keep attention in the body, the body never lies and will always tell you that you need to pay attention, maybe you have some sort of fear, etc.
As for the food, the dependent can eat a lot without gaining the weight. Because internally it is configured that it is always just not enough, then an appropriate message gets while eating and his body. And reacts accordingly.
Being at odds with the word “leave”, dependent always trying not to leave anything in the plate.
ASTHMA – a disease characterized by difficult, painful breathing. In metaphysical terms, this disease indicates that a person takes more than he should, and gives with great difficulty.
The problem with the BRONCHI is also plausible, because the bronchi metaphysically associated with the family. Under the influence of his personality dependent fusion attracts problems
PANCREAS (hypoglycemia and diabetes) and ADRENAL glands. Whole digestive system it is unstable, because he thinks your meals are inadequate, even if physically it was quite normal.
Despite the fact that failure exists only in emotional terms, his physical body received reports of food shortages and reacts accordingly – reflects the mental state.
MYOPIA the dependent is also found very often. It represents the inability to see far away, and this is due to the fear of the future and especially with the reluctance to face the future alone.
Dependent, too nurturing his sacrificial personality, can bring themselves up to HYSTERIA.
Psychologists say that the hysterical personality is like a child who fears that he will take the pacifier and leave one. Therefore, such a person is prone to show their emotions.
Many dependent developing DEPRESSION when their injury gives them great suffering, and they feel helpless – do not get the love that we crave. This is also a way to attract attention.
Dependent suffers from MIGRAINES, because it’s getting yourself to be yourself, inhibit their “I am”. He too fusses, resorted to all sorts of tricks, just to be what others want him to be, or almost completely, lives in the shadow of people who love him.
How to heal the ”Trauma of abandoned/abandoned”
Liz Burbo contends that the more severe the injury the abandoned, the more reliable it means that you yourself left (i.e. gave up) or left to other people, situations and projects.
We blame others for what they themselves do, but do not want to miss.
For this reason, we attract to themselves people who show us how we behave with others and with yourself. They serve us a kind of ”mirror”, showing what we do not want to see, but they force us to watch his reflection.
As long as the injury is not healed, then we evoke the ”mirrors” in your life.
Quote: When aktiviziruyutsya your injury abandoned, you wear a mask dependent. It makes you like a small child who seeks and needs attention, you cry, complain and obey everything and everyone, so as I do not believe that they are able to act independently.
This mask makes you to resort to various stratagems, that you are not left alone or to have paid more attention to you. It may even convince you to get sick or become a victim of any circumstances, just to obtain the support and help that you so crave.
You need to take?
First of all the fact that what you fear from others or blame them, you YOURSELF CAUSE others, and especially yourself.
Conclusion: as soon as you notice the behavior of the dependent, look for memories of when you leave, drop, surrender to yourself, to other people, projects, etc.
Quote: the Source of our happiness should be what we are and what we do, not praise, gratitude, appreciation, and support from other people .
I remind you that to love unconditionally is to accept, even if you disagree, even if you do not understand the reasons.
Suffering from trauma abandoned intensifies the trauma every time when she left for an important thing, when it allows itself to fall when insufficiently engaged and not paying required attention.
It scares others too intensely clinging to them, and thus achieving what they leave, and he was again left alone.
Quote: Your injury abandoned close to healing, if you feel good, even if less loneliness and need someone’s attention. Life no longer seems so dramatic. Do you increasingly have the desire to start various projects, and even if others don’t help, you are able to continue the work himself.
If you recognize the signs of dependent masks according to the descriptions of Liz Burbo, you can now start to work to change your inner beliefs, and with them their internal state and their own reality.