1. The attitude of others
Let’s start with the non-obvious, but catastrophically noticeable immediately after childbirth. You will suddenly cease to be yourself (Masha, the sought after professional, a happy housewife, the owner of pets, a tamer of snakes) – and become the mother of the baby. The new social role will temporarily supplant everyone else: “mom” will start contacting you right in the hospital (if you behave badly, they will call you “mom”), and relatives will soon cease to be interested in you and your well-being, but they will ask a thousand questions about the child.
In the children’s clinic, where you will need to pay a visit in the first month, you will have a particularly acute experience: they can not only be called mom, but also call out by the name of the baby. So it was with me when I went to the laboratory at the first scheduled examination of the child: “Ah, are you Fedor? Well, Fedya, have you brought urine? ”
The most common advice that women who barely give birth receive is “sleep when the baby is sleeping.” For some reason, only counselors forget to add that some children eat in a dream, and this process requires full involvement from their mothers, which is not compatible with sleep. And the other children scream instead of sleeping. In general, before the advent of the child, I had no idea how important sleep is to a person. For the opportunity to sleep an hour longer, I was ready to sacrifice anything: sleep became my currency, my main desire and the key to a good (or bad) mood. Now my child is seven months old – and I don’t even dream of sleeping all night in a row.
O blessed times when two hands could be used for food! With the advent of the child, I had to master the acrobatic absorption of food – extremely fast absorption of soup, gnawing sandwiches without the help of hands and drinking exclusively cooled coffee and tea (however, sometimes I manage to eat when the baby is sleeping – because I did not learn how to sleep at that time).
Do you like ballpoint pens on a table lying parallel to books in a cupboard? Have you already mastered the magic of washing, and each sock after it finds a mate? Interested in home baking? It will be necessary to temporarily part with these habits – or, at best, outsource these tasks. You’ll have to get used to the mess (hello, mashed carrots on the walls!), Lonely like a sail, socks, and rolls from the nearest grocery.
Say no to spontaneity, daring and youthfulness! Once you could have sex just because you wanted it – where you wanted it. After the birth of the baby, as we recall, I want to sleep mostly. But even if you decide to indulge in carnal pleasures, you will have to agree on this with your partner in advance (it is better to start planning sex in a few days!). Everything will have to be done quickly (this minimizes the risks that the child will wake up at the most inopportune moment), in the midst of a mess and amid lack of sleep. And you did not believe that sex after childbirth will give you new sensations!
The birth of children puts everything and everyone around in their places: relatives show themselves from unexpected sides, some friends stop reminding themselves (at first they think that you are not up to them, then it becomes a habit), others, on the contrary, become support and support. The biggest shake is waiting for your relationship with a partner – now you are not only a couple, but also your parents, and this is a huge stress for all participants in the process. The good news is that sometimes partnerships get stronger from parenthood and the surprises and difficulties associated with it.
You never knew that you could have such tremendous, crushing feelings – all the more so to a dumb little lump, which basically aches, spills you with saliva and licks your cat. But now this love lives inside you, and makes your life without food, sleep and sex much more enduring.